Your Complete Guide to Planning an Intimate Wedding

A comprehensive resource from Bespoked Love

Introduction

Welcome to a different kind of wedding planning guide. If you've picked this up, chances are you're dreaming of something more intimate, more meaningful, and more authentically you than the traditional big wedding. You're in the right place.

This guide isn't about cutting corners or settling for less. It's about intentionally creating a wedding day that honors your relationship, includes the people who matter most, and feels true to who you are as a couple. Whether you're planning an elopement for two or an intimate gathering of your closest circle, you'll find practical advice and expert insights to help you create a ceremony that's unforgettable.

Part 1: How to Choose the Right Setting for Your Intimate "I Do"

Why Your Setting Matters

The location of your ceremony sets the tone for everything. Unlike large weddings where the venue is often chosen for capacity and amenities, intimate weddings give you the freedom to prioritize meaning, beauty, and personal significance.

Questions to Ask Yourself

What environment makes you feel most connected?

• Nature lovers might thrive on a mountaintop, beach, or forest clearing

• Homebodies may find comfort in a backyard or family home

• Urban couples might love a rooftop with city views or a cozy restaurant

What's the story you want to tell?

• Where did you get engaged?

• Where did you first say "I love you"?

• Is there a family property with generations of memories?

• A place that represents a shared passion or hobby?

What's practical for your situation?

• How far can you and your guests travel?

• What's your budget for the location?

• Do you need permits or permission?

• What's your backup plan for weather?

• Are there accessibility considerations for elderly or disabled guests?

Popular Intimate Wedding Settings

Natural Locations

• Mountain overlooks or hiking destinations

• Beaches (sunrise or sunset)

• National or state parks (check permit requirements)

• Gardens or arboretums

• Vineyards or orchards

• Your own backyard

Meaningful Spaces

• Family homes or properties

• The place you first met

• A favorite restaurant or café

• Your own home

• A meaningful city location (where you got engaged, had your first date)

Unique Venues

• Art galleries or museums (many rent for private events)

• Historic homes or estates

• Libraries

• Botanical conservatories

• Airbnb properties with stunning settings

Expert Tips from an Officiant's Perspective

Consider the acoustics and intimacy. I've officiated ceremonies in echoing marble halls and windy clifftops. In intimate settings, you want everyone to hear the vows clearly without needing a sound system. Look for natural sound barriers or sheltered spots.

Think about the light. The best ceremony photos happen when you consider the sun's position. Golden hour (the hour before sunset) provides the most flattering natural light. If you're doing midday, find shade.

Visit at the time of day you'll marry. That gorgeous mountain view at 10am might have the sun directly in everyone's eyes at your 4pm ceremony time. Experience the space when you'll actually be using it.

Have a backup plan that feels intentional, not desperate. If you're planning an outdoor ceremony, have an indoor or covered option that still feels special. Frame it as "Plan B" not "the disappointing alternative."

Making Your Decision

Create a short list of 2-3 locations, then visit each one with your partner. Stand in the spot where you'd say your vows. Can you imagine it? Does it give you butterflies? Trust your gut.

Part 2: Simple Decor Ideas That Elevate Without Overspending

The Intimate Wedding Decor Philosophy

Big weddings need big decor to fill the space. Intimate weddings need thoughtful touches that enhance rather than overwhelm. Your goal isn't to decorate every surface—it's to create an atmosphere that feels special and intentional.

Start with What's Already There

Lean into your location's natural beauty. If you're in a garden, you don't need elaborate florals. If you're on a beach, skip the decorations and let the ocean be your backdrop. Work with your setting, not against it.

The Rule of Three

Choose three decor elements maximum and do them well. This creates cohesion without clutter.

Examples of winning combinations:

• Fresh flowers + candles + simple signage

• String lights + greenery + vintage rugs

• Lanterns + petals + flowing fabric

• Wildflowers + wooden elements + handwritten touches

Budget-Friendly Decor Ideas

Florals Without the Florist

• Buy seasonal flowers from a farmers market or grocery store the day before

• Create one stunning bridal bouquet and a few small arrangements for key spots

• Use a single statement arrangement instead of many small ones

• Choose greenery (eucalyptus, ferns) as your base—it's cheaper and lasts longer

• Potted plants can be your decor and your favors

Candles Create Magic

• Pillar candles in various heights grouped together

• Tea lights in simple glass holders scattered along paths or tables

• LED candles if your venue prohibits open flame (they've come a long way!)

• Lanterns with candles inside for outdoor settings

Fabric and Textiles

• Drape sheer fabric from trees or structures for a romantic feel

• Vintage rugs or blankets define your ceremony space

• Table runners from thrift stores add color and texture

• Your grandmother's tablecloth as the signing table cover

Personal Touches

• Photos of grandparents or parents on their wedding days

• Hand-lettered signs (do it yourself or use Etsy templates)

• Books from your shared library as decor or table markers

• Items representing your hobbies or story

Lighting is Everything

• String lights transform any space (battery-powered options exist)

• Uplighting trees or architectural features (rent these affordably)

• The right time of day is free and gorgeous

• Paper lanterns provide soft, diffused light

Where to Splurge vs. Save

Splurge on:

• Your bridal bouquet (you'll hold it in every photo)

• One statement piece (an arch, a stunning arrangement, a vintage furniture piece)

• Good quality candles that won't blow out easily

Save on:

• Mass florals (go minimal or use greenery)

• Disposable items (avoid things that only last the day)

• Over-decorating (less is more for intimate settings)

The Ceremony Space Setup

Create a clear focal point. This might be:

• A simple arch decorated with fabric and greenery

• A stunning natural feature (a tree, rock formation, view)

• A vintage door or window frame

• A circle of flowers or candles

Define the space. Even outdoors, create boundaries:

• Petals or greenery marking an aisle

• Hay bales or benches for seating

• A vintage rug under where you'll stand

• Lanterns or flowers on shepherd's hooks

Think about the view. Position yourselves so guests see something beautiful behind you. I've officiated ceremonies where the couple faced a parking lot because they didn't think about what was in the background.

Expert Officiant Tips

The signing table matters. You'll have photos of signing your license. Make that table beautiful with a nice tablecloth, your nicest pen, and a small floral arrangement.

Consider wind. I've chased papers, watched flowers blow over, and seen candles extinguish in seconds. Use weights, clips, and enclosed candles for outdoor ceremonies.

Ceremony programs can be decor. Pretty programs on seats double as decor and give guests something to hold during emotional moments.

Part 3: Ways to Include Loved Ones Meaningfully

The Intimate Wedding Paradox

You've chosen a small wedding, but that doesn't mean other people aren't important to you. This section helps you honor your community even when they're not standing next to you.

For Guests Who Are Present

Special Roles Beyond Bridesmaids and Groomsmen

• Reading a poem, letter, or blessing during the ceremony

• Serving as witnesses (you need two for legal purposes anyway)

• Leading a group blessing or toast

• Sharing a musical performance

• Officiant (if someone close to you gets ordained online)

Participatory Ceremony Elements

• Ring warming (pass your rings through guests to "warm them" with good wishes)

• Group vow (guests pledge to support your marriage)

• Handfasting with ribbons provided by different loved ones

• Unity ceremony that includes everyone (lighting candles together, creating art)

• Guests write advice or wishes on cards during the ceremony

The Reception or Celebration

• Ask each guest to share a memory or story

• Create a signature drink named after people important to you

• Serve family recipes as your meal

• Play music that represents different important people

• Go around the table for toasts (when it's small enough, everyone can speak)

For Those Who Can't Attend

Virtual Participation

• Livestream the ceremony (a phone on a tripod works!)

• Record video messages to play during your reception

• Schedule a Zoom toast for after the ceremony

• Create a private social media group for sharing photos in real-time

Tangible Connections

• Carry photos of deceased loved ones

• Wear jewelry or accessories from family members

• Incorporate family heirlooms (grandmother's handkerchief, father's cufflinks)

• Display photos of grandparents or parents on their wedding days

• Mention them by name during the ceremony

Before and After Connections

• Host a casual gathering before or after the intimate wedding

• Send personalized notes explaining why you chose intimacy

• Share professional photos in a beautiful way (photo book, framed prints)

• Have a "wedding tour" visiting people who couldn't attend

• Plan anniversary parties with larger groups in the future

Handling Hurt Feelings

Be proactive and honest. Don't let people find out through the grapevine. Tell them directly: "We're planning something very small and intimate. It's not about excluding anyone—it's about creating the experience that feels right for us."

Set clear boundaries early. "We're limiting our ceremony to immediate family only" or "It's just the two of us" prevents confusion and assumption.

Acknowledge their feelings. "I understand you might feel disappointed, and that's okay. Your presence in our life matters, and we hope to celebrate with you in other ways."

Expert Officiant Perspective

The most meaningful ceremonies include others' voices. Even if it's just two of you, consider having someone write you a letter to be read aloud, or include words from loved ones who've passed.

Public acknowledgment is powerful. When I include a section in the ceremony that names people who couldn't be there or who've passed away, there's rarely a dry eye. It honors the web of love surrounding you.

Don't apologize for your choice. I've heard too many couples start by apologizing for their small wedding. Your intimate celebration is a gift—to yourselves and to your guests. Own that choice proudly.

Part 4: Expert Tips from a Professional Wedding Officiant

After officiating hundreds of ceremonies—from grand affairs to cliffside elopements—these are the insights that matter most for intimate weddings.

On Writing and Delivering Vows

Vows are the heart of your ceremony. In large weddings, vows can get lost in the pageantry. In intimate ceremonies, they're everything. Take them seriously.

Write them down, even if you "have them memorized." Emotion hits differently in the moment. I've seen countless couples forget beautiful vows they swore they knew by heart. Paper is your friend.

Aim for 1-2 minutes each, maximum. This is about 200-300 words. Long enough to be meaningful, short enough to get through without breaking down.

Balance emotion with specificity. Include both the big feelings ("I love your kindness") and the tiny details ("I promise to always make you coffee exactly the way you like it"). The specific moments make people cry.

Practice out loud. Read your vows to yourself in a mirror. It sounds silly, but you'll catch awkward phrasing and identify spots where you'll get choked up.

Match your tone. If one person writes something funny and casual while the other writes serious poetry, it can feel disjointed. Check in with each other about tone and length.

On Ceremony Timing

The ideal intimate ceremony is 15-20 minutes. Long enough to feel significant, short enough to hold emotion without becoming exhausting.

Break it down:

• Opening words and welcome: 2-3 minutes

• Reading or special element: 2-3 minutes

• Vow exchange: 4-6 minutes

• Ring exchange: 2 minutes

• Closing and pronouncement: 2 minutes

• First kiss and celebration: 1 minute

Shorter isn't less meaningful. Some of the most powerful ceremonies I've officiated were under 10 minutes. Quality over quantity.

On Handling Emotions

Everyone cries at intimate weddings. Without the distance of a large crowd, emotions are amplified. Plan for it.

Tissue strategy matters. Have tissues in your pocket, not handed to you by someone. You want to maintain the moment, not fumble around.

Pausing is powerful. If you get choked up, pause. Breathe. Look at your partner. The silence is beautiful, not awkward.

Make eye contact. In intimate settings, you can look right at each other. Do it. Some couples stare at their paper or the ground through the whole ceremony and later regret it.

Laughter is just as important as tears. Include a light moment or inside joke. The best ceremonies have both.

On Working with Your Officiant

Choose someone who gets you. In an intimate wedding, your officiant is critically important. They're one of very few people there. Make sure they understand your style and values.

Meet in person or video call. Email-only officiants miss nuance. You want someone who knows your story and can tell it authentically.

Give them the real story. The best ceremony content comes from the details you might think are too small—how you met, what you love about daily life together, the challenges you've overcome.

Trust their experience. If your officiant suggests something, they're drawing on dozens or hundreds of ceremonies. Listen to their insights.

Communicate about beliefs and boundaries. Be clear about any religious, spiritual, or cultural elements you do or don't want included.

On Ceremony Structure

Start strong. The opening words set the tone. I like to acknowledge why everyone gathered and the significance of intimacy: "We're here because these two people wanted their closest circle present for their most important promise."

Include a reading or two. Poetry, literature, song lyrics, or even a meaningful text exchange can add texture. Keep it under two minutes.

Explain what's happening. In traditional ceremonies, people know the structure. In custom intimate ceremonies, brief explanations help: "Now they'll exchange the rings they've chosen for each other."

End with energy. Build to the kiss and pronouncement. That's the moment everyone's waiting for. Make it celebratory.

On Legal Requirements

You need an officiant who's legally authorized. Laws vary by state/country. Online ordination (Universal Life Church, American Marriage Ministries) works in most US states but not all.

Two witnesses are required in most places. If it's just you two, bring witnesses. They can be strangers if necessary—courthouse steps usually have people willing to help.

The license must be signed immediately. Don't forget this part! I've seen couples get so caught up in celebration they leave without signing.

Filing deadlines are strict. Your officiant typically has 3-10 days to file the signed license. Miss it, and you're not legally married.

On What Makes Intimate Ceremonies Special

The energy is different. Large weddings have grandeur. Intimate weddings have intensity. Everyone present can feel the weight of the moment.

You remember everything. With fewer people and less chaos, couples tell me they actually remember their intimate ceremonies clearly, unlike friends who say their big weddings were a blur.

Imperfection is perfection. A dog barking, a guest crying loudly, stumbling over words—these moments become the story. Embrace them.

It's actually about the marriage. Without the pressure of a production, intimate ceremonies keep the focus where it belongs: on the commitment you're making.

My Favorite Intimate Wedding Moment

I once officiated for a couple on a mountain at sunrise with just their parents present. Halfway through, a cloud rolled in and surrounded us completely. We couldn't see ten feet in any direction—just the six of us in a circle, suspended in white.

The groom said, "Of course this happened," and everyone laughed. We continued the ceremony in the cloud, and by the time they kissed, it had cleared to reveal the most stunning view.

That's what intimate weddings offer: room for magic, spontaneity, and moments you couldn't have planned if you tried.

Conclusion: Your Day, Your Way

Planning an intimate wedding isn't about what you're giving up. It's about what you're choosing: intention over obligation, meaning over tradition, presence over performance.

Every decision you make—from the setting to the guest list to the words you speak—can reflect who you actually are rather than who you think you should be on your wedding day.

The couples I've married in intimate ceremonies consistently tell me the same thing: "It was exactly what we wanted. It felt like us."

That's the goal. Not perfection. Not impressing anyone. Just a ceremony that, when you look back on it, feels authentically yours.

Whatever you decide, wherever you celebrate, whoever stands beside you—make it meaningful. Make it intentional. Make it yours.

Congratulations on your marriage. May it be as intimate, authentic, and love-filled as the day you celebrate it.

About Bespoked Love

We specialize in creating personalized ceremonies for couples who want their wedding to feel authentic and meaningful. Whether you're eloping with just the two of you or gathering your closest circle, we're here to help you craft a ceremony that honors your story and your love.

For more intimate wedding inspiration, planning tips, and real ceremony stories, follow us @BespokedLove